i have faint memories of how
i drew pictures of you in my head
silhouettes of nothing lined the pages
inside my head and walls
that curved around me-
keeping me still,
but at the same time
shivering
my atoms swung back and forth like a pendulum in vacuum.
i do not like to have that memory,
but again this is something you've taught me-
to have things you don't like,
because they make the things you like more worthwhile.
i learned to appreciate the bad things in life too,
only to be struck back by their constant energy.
i could blame you,
but that would mean, somewhere, still letting you affect me
and you don't.
art: arundhati nair
i have seen only a little
but that has been enough to
guide me
through you and not
away from you.
and here i am,
writing to you
pretending to be bigger than you.
i know i'm not,
but being smaller has its advantages
and you are not as close to the ground as i am
i can hear the tectonic plates cracking under me
you could take me right now
but i am of this ground
and i will return to it
and meanwhile,
i do not need to be worried about your reality
because unlike you,
i have a life.
and i will live it
a little more than you would have expected me to
because i do not worry about you
because i sleep knowing that if tomorrow was to be without me
i wouldn't have missed a thing.
and i will live
even after i cease to exist.