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more notes on grief and loss - saachi gupta

i. i see your face in my head every time i close my eyes and i wonder if that would've been the case, had you been well and alive.

ii. drunk and sunburnt, you went to sleep on your stomach. you woke up hours later, and i'd never seen you so confused.

iii. we sat on the steps by the gate and talked for hours. it wasn't what we wanted, but it became exactly what we needed.

iv. you told me once that i was amazing, with so much warmth in your eyes that i almost believed it.

v. i've always loved how you sprinkled spanish phrases in the middle of every english sentence.

vi. you said there was a difference between missing home and wanting to go back home– and suddenly, everything made sense.

vii. every moment with you was a moment of honesty.

viii. they're all saying this was predestined, that you're in a better place or something– but you wanted to be here. you should've been here.

ix. yesterday, i found the words you wrote to me in june.

“you make me laugh a lot of times,” you'd scribbled. all i want to do is make you laugh again.

x. if my love could protect you, you would lead a painless life ten times as long.


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