a collection of poems - shreya sivaramakrishnan

coffin


“Lived a lie, with grace”, this was what you wanted to etch on your coffin.

It should be black, with a lilac flower on it.

I will glow after my death.


This thought disturbed me,

Why does everyone need to leave, can’t immortality exist?

You said,

“If immortality existed, how will we ever learn to value moments?”


Everyone just assumed you to be a pessimist, 

Who hated his life.

Little did they know, you enjoyed every single moment of it.

You counted your memories, never your days.


On a lazy Sunday morning, when all I want to do is sleep,

You would want to visit a vineyard, go for a drive at 6 in the morning to watch

the sun rise.

You would want to take me out on the garden and lay down and watch the

stars with you. 

I remember asking you, “why do you want to watch the stars in this heat, let’s

go and sit in the air conditioned room”.

You said,

“What if I die today? Will you guarantee me that I lived till my fullest?


Your fantasies were about whether you would go to hell or heaven,

Would satan take you or would an angel come?

You were always distinct,

Dissimilar from the entire world.


After 10 years, I’ve finally learnt to let go of you.

Now I just sit in the cemetery etching “lived a lie, with grace” and put a lilac

flower on your black coffin.

And I want to say,

You are glowing after death, my love.

art: allison moore


withered


Your chassis lied there,

Motionless. 

I was hoping for a miracle, some voodoo.

Did you want peace? 

Was this your version of peace? 


The rage within me could not be subsided.

But was it your fault?

I would sit and admire your framework,

Imagine your dark, long hair.

Reminisce your blue eyes.

But all I could see was an empty eye socket.

I clung on to you. 

Every last bit.

You left me with memories, postcards, dried flowers and wrappers of

chocolates.

Every night the words from your letters would float,

Approaching me.

They would remind me that I’m loved.

I’m cared for.

How? 

How will I ever be loved in your absence?

Who will embrace me with my gazillion flaws?

Who will write letters to me?

Who will understand my obsession for scented candles?

I need my answers.

You cannot just wither away like that.


i'll wait


I’ll wait for you to complete your promise,

The promise you made that you’ll never leave my side.

You said never, didn’t you?


I’m angry, so angry with you.

You left, not even a simple bye.

The first time we met you wouldn’t say hi

Now, you refused to say bye.

What is with you not acknowledging greetings?


I’ll wait for you to come and gift me my portrait,

You said it was ready, only finishing touches were remaining,

You were finished before, the touches still remain.


I’ll wait for you to kiss me,

The first kiss will always be special, isn’t it?

Now how will I ever have my first kiss.

You are so selfish.

But I love you.


I’ll wait to read your eulogy aloud,

With people judging my English, 

And you somewhere pointing out the grammatical errors,

But more than anything else,

I’ll wait for you to come back.


- shreya sivaramakrishnan