Thinking about death
Of the ones I love
Is like someone grabbed my intestine
And turned it inside out
It’s like the giddiness and discomfort
Before I throw up.
It’s 2 am on a Thursday night
My conscience is playing defence
But the shuddering thought takes over
And I shift in my seat
I hate to admit to this fear.
I hate to admit to being selfish
They say good people go to heaven
But I am the monster
Hoping my people stay on earth
For a little longer.
As an 18 year old
Who hasn’t seen the death of a close person
The topic wrecks my nervous system
My mind plays games with me
Where we imagine the worst
And only I suffer.
Death is a black hole
And it hasn’t come for me yet
What I need to do
Is to accept the fact
But I just build up metaphors
And get through the night.